Back in the Backyard Dancing...

I wasn't faking it. Was I? It's sad that I don't even know if I was faking my ankle problems. It really does hurt, but I probably could have went to school today. But I think one extra day of taking it easy won't hurt anyone. Although, I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach like I've been lying to everyone. But I haven't! Tomorrow will be a serious drag though. At least, if nothing else, I get to go to the mall after school because Mom promised Matt we'd go to that dreaded halloween store. *sigh*

I feel strangely blessed, like, I have problems like everyone else has problems, but AT LEAST all of my problems are fixable. No doubt it'll take some work, but at least I have problems that can be worked on. My weight is an issue that I can and will take into my own hands, especially with this new nifty excersize bike that mom got. My back is a bit more trixy to fix, but it will be done around January, i think. But back to my point. Looking around me, the economy is crashing, the country is going down hill at a very fast pace, yet here I am all excited for applying to a job, and my biggest concearn is which of 42 broadway shows am I going to see on Sunday. Seriously, I feel so lucky.

I was thinking about charities and things like that. There are tons of charities for the poor, the sick, the fincially troubled, the homeless, the mentally challanged, the hungry, the environment, everything. But what about the working middle class? I mean, everyone has financial troubles, I just feel like the guy who comes up with the idea to donate money to the general public will be loved by everyone. Especially considering it's the middle class that makes up the country as a whole. /random thought.

Le sigh. I'm thinking about maybe buying the new ipod classic. Or a tv. or both. Or who knows. I think I can use a little break from the la citta. Eh, who knows. I've discovered a new obsession with Bravo tv. all the reality shows they have are so addicting! but it's not like, trash. Yeah.

I accidentally bought 2 ring tones last night. Woopsies. But I'm going to go now. Bye!

<3

NYMTF..?

Now we're talking. The New York Musical Theatre Festival has arrived. I admit, I've never really heard of this before, outside of a few random mentions here and there, but this might just be the inspiration I've been looking for. There are some 45 musicals airing over the course of 3 weeks, all $20 a ticket. They have each show broken down by category, randing from the fluff, to the over-dramatic realistic dramas, to indie-rock scores, to just plain comedy. The best part, they are all musicals that have potential and raw scores. Shows that are particularly catching my interest are "Jason and Ben" and "College: The Musical." I highly reccomend you check it out. Not that anyone reads this, but I find it very interesting in all it's glory. Anyway...

Today kind of sucked. My foot swelled up like a balloon and it hurts like hell to move it. Walking is a task. I'm hoping i don't miss school tomorrow because I don't want to fall behind but I don't want to put too much stress on it either. Hopefully it'll be all better by thursday, which I'm sure it will be. I'm sure I'm going to be so confuzzled in math, even more so than I already am. *sigh* Oh well.

So last night, I applied for a job at CVS. I can make as little as $400 a month, or $100 a week and as much as like, $200 and something a week, I forget the specifics. This is, of course assuming I get the job. Which I hope I do. It will be easier for me to excersize and eat right if I don't have the time to want junk. Which by the way, I've decided that I'm joining weight watchers because I don't want any problems later in life, and I don't feel better every time I eat the food I like, so, why not. Besides, I like a lot of healthy foods too. I'm rather excited. I've also decided that, if I get this job, I'm going to put %60 of my check each week into the bank, which means I'll have as little as $40 in my pocket and as much $80, which is plenty on top of the birthday money I have. By the end of the month, I'll have quite a lot. This will work nicely because for 3 months after my surgery I won't be working obviously, so I'm going to need money to get through that. But I'm all for that actually.

I'm rather excited. I figured, I'll alternate between working on saturdays and fridays. Like, every other week I'll work friday, and the other I'll work saturday. The weeks I don't work saturdays I'll go see shows or something. Or I won't. That's the bright side of having money to spend. I don't have to spend it unless I want to. Also, with me [hopefully] losing weight, I'll feel better and stuffs.

I've also had a lot of time to think about the situation with Jen. If she gets the Heights ticket, I'm not going with her. I'd have to take a 4 o'clock train, which would prevent me from seeing a show. Which defeats the whole purpose. I don't want to inolve grandma agaaaain. I mean, If I don't go to the city with Jen, then I can maybe go to Brooklyn friday after school. I haven't been with Simon in a really, really long time, and I miss him :\ Plus, I'd be close enough where I could go to the city for the morning and head back if I really felt like it, or I could go see a show on saturday or whatever.

I also decided that if I get this job, I'm getting Matt and Jon spiffy christmas/birthday presents. I mean, I'll have the money so why not? They deserve it. They're really annoying and in my way and blah blah blah but they don't mean it. I think I'm going to get them Spamalot tickets. Yeah. and Mom or whoever can give me the money for their ticket or something. But only if I get my job , or I won't have the money to do such things. *sigh*

I'm leaving now, because I'm blabbing and that's the extent of my thought process for my day of uneventful-ness. Yah.

Bye now.

RANT.

UGH. I'm really pissed off. I had a terrible day. I twisted my ankle going down the bleacher stairs in gym, which resulted in a 4 hour trip to the emergency room, only to find out that i pulled the tendons in my left foot. I can go to school however. YIPEEE! NOT NOT NOT.

So when i finally got home, I got a text from the one and only Jen, and she wanted to know if i cared if i were to go home ALONE on sunday after the bcefa flea market because her friend might be able to get her a ticket to see in the heights sunday night. UHM, HULLO?! DID I NOT JUST GET HER INTO THE FINAL RENT PERFORMANCE? DID I NOT JUST GET HER IN TO TITLE OF SHOW?

kj3bLJKHDILUHQLIDHQWLIUDEHIHDLQBDJDWLKBWLWPHLKBKEWHBFLHFLWHLIih alfdighlewrhgliuodnlidhflshgihgeighldkghlsdgh ekjhfuigferhfgh eriehr iuehg luhg liug lkvl jvgiegrh efhirnf;fgjqowhgohgkefvgkjbrugh errghowq oh goerg oqeg eog eogn orehh oeh 38ty83ty 34t 027gn kergf qergh orgh ;oegh oieh ergn o;ehg

NO. I'm not done.

NOW, i might not even be allowed to go without involving half the friggin population of my family, which isn't fair because they had to help me last weekend. She didn't even bother to ask if I wanted to see the show with her. UGH.

My ankle is KILLING me. I feel like crap.

BYE world wide web.

Die Vampires!

Why yes, it is 12:38 am. Why yes, I have school in 7 hours. Why yes, I cannot sleep.

*sigh*

I just finished 'Of Mice & Men' and it's one of the most depressing books I've ever written. I don't know why I felt compelled to finish it tonight. Now I can't sleep.

I've been listening to [title of show] non stop. It's been making me think a lot, actually. Like, Jen and Cims always 100% agree with me when I say I don't have talent. But they are so stuck up and full of themselves! Maybe, just maybe, they are the vampires. Who is to say I shouldn't try? I mean, I love Jen, but she'd tell anyone they suck because she's afraid they'd get better than her. I don't know, the whole thing is just making me think. I know Jen would say, "you can't appreciate [tos] like I do because I do theatre." But, i'm a theatre person. I am. I am. I am. I'm sick of feeling like I have to prove myself to everyone. 'A Way Back To Then' is one of the prettiest and most relatable songs I've ever heard. When I was 12, I was CONVINCED I was going to be Mimi Marquez on broadway. That's a laugh. But there's no reason (other than enthicity, or the fact the show's gone now) that I can't do it. I really feel like the vampires have been screaming at me.

My. Entire. Life.

This may seem pointless and random, and it is. However, I need to break this rant and random babble-fest down, for I have lessons tomorrow first period. YAYAY. aha, not.

I can't remember if I mentioned this before, so I'm just going to restate, I'm not going to see Spring Awakening for six months. I've decided. I'm leaving it for 6 months, and then I'll go back, just for kicks, and see if I can be interested again. If not, I'm moving on forever. On the SA note, Hair is going to Broadway, and HOPEFULLY Groff is too. In a total non-fangirly way, I seriously and legit love him. He's just so sweet!

Anyway, gotta run. Like I said, lessons, period 1. LE GASP!

<3

No Me Diga!

I feel burnt out. Almost like, I have no desire to go see any shows anytime soon. Almost like I don't even want to go to the city anytime soon. I just have no interest. I feel like I've practically lived there, and so much has gone on, that I actually need a break. I think I'm going to try to wait until November to go see a show. And I think I want the show that I see to be something completely new. Seeing, I have no interest in seeing Spring Awakening again. I can't go see Rent again. In The Heights is still too much money. I just saw [Title of Show].

Am I really that tied up in having the title of "theatre person" that I'm actually afraid to go so long without seeing a show? I hang out with competitive people too much haha. I need to chill out. There is no reason why I shouldn't be able to take a break if I want to, and I don't need to be called an "elitist, " nor does it make me any less of a theatre person because I need such a break. Besides, going into the city so much will clean me out, and, ultimately, exhaust me. I'm just not interested.

School is simple. I'm keeping up easy. I feel like I have the perfect ballance of easy and difficult in my schedule. I also realize that I've let too many people influence my opinion on my music abilities. Maybe I don't have a killer "solo" voice, but hell, I'm holding my own in Ozman's choir and I don't feel lost or overwhelmed one bit. I can reach all the notes easily, and everything she's asked us to do, I can. I wonder if Mrs. Ozman will tell me that I actually have talent. Because I feel like I do. I feel like Cims and other people around me who have those killer voices made me think I have a terrible one. Maybe I don't. And with the training that Ozman's going to give us, I could become great, right? Who knows.

That's all for today, I suppose. I'm tired, and I have homework to do. Math & English. It looks like I'll have those two every night. At least math. It's easy though, so I don't really mind.

Until tomorrow.

Dearly Beloved, We Gather Here to Say Our Goodbyes...

Wow. So much has happened since I've blogged last. So much. I'd be here forever if I said everything, every little detail, so let's start small, shall we? Deal.

School is a lot better now. I got my schedule changed and everything just works better now. I'm now taking Marine science instead of earth science, and we're going to Atlantis, you know, the aquarium? Yeah. I haven't gone on a field trip outside of chorus related things in a WHILE. I'm excited! But also, due to no longer having a lab period every other day, I now have a an every other day study hall. It's a weird feeling, actually. But, I've already figured a way out of it, and I'll be spending it with Cims, helping her grade things and work on things and yada yada. It'll be fun. My english teacher I think, is completely insane. I think she was once a really good teacher, but she's old now, and she gets so distracted, she forgets why she's yelling at us. No joke. My math teacher, however boring/creepy, is a really good teacher and I hope I catch up with my weird math pattern. Concert choir is going good I suppose. Not much going on there actually. I suppose that's it on the school front. But this was the least of my events to happen.

So, on Friday after school, I saw Wicked with my mom and dad. Let me tell you, I feel bad for anyone I ever bashed about this show. It really is amazing. The music & the lyrics are flawed most definitly, and they are no where near the best out there, but just the whole experience of the whole show is beyond amazing. It was much better the second time, and I'm glad I went again. I'm sure I'll be back. Possibly in 6 months. It's not something I'd want to kill. Ha, I also decided not to stage door, but to stay behind in the theatre for a little while longer to steal playbills (: I ended up getting an entire bundle which makes me happy.

The hotel was beyond amazing, it was on 49th and the view was looking down on timesqaure. BRILLIANCE! So, anywho... Saturday afternoon, I saw Spring Awakening. I think it's time for me to say goodbye to this show. I've seen it a million times, I've been there for a long, long time, and now, it's just not doing it for me anymore. All of the things I loved about the show seem so dead now, and all the people I loved have gone. I just feel like there's so much more out there. For the first time I actually felt bored during the show. Maybe I'd see it again if they got a new Wendla, because Socha drives me insane. Beyond insane. When we got out of the show, it was POURING. Like, hurricaning out. They didn't even have the barricades set up and there was someone telling everyone that there wasn't going to be any actors coming out. But I don't think I would have stayed anyway. Sigh... I feel bad, but it's true.

Saturday night was fantastical. I saw In The Heights from aruguably the most amazing seats in the theatre. I love everything about this show. How it's new, how it's fresh, how it's something I won't see again right away, how the energy on the stage is at maximum, how the show is constantly sold out, how the cast is always so into it and so excited to be there, the playbills, all of it. I can't even explain it. I just love the show. There isn't too much to say other than gushing over how amazing this show is, haha.

So, now for the ohmigod freakout moment. Sunday morning, I lottoed Rent. Yeah, the final Rent lotto, the one where thousands of people showed up for a measly 20 names called? Yeah. That one. I had no chance in hell, and I knew that, but, I knew i'd regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't at least try. Wouldn't you know, I WON! AH. It was the most insane, crazy, fantabulous, beyond words moment of my life to that point. God, it was so surreal. People were pulling at me and I had to sign a waiver because they interviewed me and I talked to the producer and I freaked out, and I was shaking so hard, ... it was crazy. So after I won, Nix, Jen & I went to John's pizza and had some well, pizza! And tried to calm down a little because the three of us were going to the final show of Rent. Uhh that didn't happen too well xD

We had to calm down a little though, we were seeing [title of show!] This show is EFFING AMAZING. I love love love love love this show. It was so histerical and amazing and my god I loved it so much. I got to backstage afterwords also! I talked to Susan for at least 20 minutes, it was... crazy. Susan than drew a monkey on my playbill. You know. Monkeys and Playbillss! For my birthday. I loveeee her. I wish I could say more, but, I really can't. Other than I'll be back, for sure.

Now for the OMGLEGASP craziness... Rent.
Rent just means so much to me. It's not that it changed my outlook on life, or that it took me out of a dark place, or anything overly dramatic and too played up like that, but it literally and blankly gave me something to love, and it brought me to so many amazing people that I wouldn't know as of right now. Not everything I experienced with Rent was positive, but I look back on those things and know I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for those things. I really can't get anyone else to understand the passion and love I have for this show, because it doesn't really make sense, but that's okay. Just knowing that I won that lotto and that i'd be at the last show was more than I could handle.

The show itself was... incredible. It's like, imagine doing something you absolutely love more than anything in the world, but knowing you could never do it again, at least not for a long, long time, and it would never ever be in that same place with those same people, surrounded by amazing people... Yeah, that was me. I pretty much cried throughout the entire first act, but then I just kind of stopped. The entire second act I sat there, and I was watching the show, but I must have had a glossed over look on my face. I was just thinking and watching at the same time, thoughts were swirling around my head as the act carried on. It was a feeling that i'll never, ever forget. I really can't explain much else. Just that I'm going to miss that feeling inside the theatre, knowing I'm completely at home and accepted in there, and knowing that I'm going to witness a little piece of magic.

Most people were worked up beyond a comprehensive level, in a state of mortal shock and utter dispair. Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly sad to see it go, and I don't believe it was it's time, and it was my everything for the longest time, but... it's not "gone" as so many people have made it out to be. The messages in Rent don't need to be performed on a Broadway stage to live. There's the 2009-2010 tour, the movie, the movie of the final performance, the OBCR, the Bible, everything. I really miss it, and I know I'll cry the first time I walk by the theatre again and know it's not there for my viewing pleasure whenever the hell I feel like it, but it's not... gone.

I have a lot of people to thank. A lot of people to acknowledge. A lot of people smile at, nod at, write to, cry to... but the bottom line is, Rent is a piece of me that will never die. Thankyou, Jonathan Larson.

<3

Oh god, what a bitch.

So, I figured today would be a fitting time to start blogging. I've had this thing forever, over a year probably. Now there are just more popular and I'm feeling inspired to keep one. Way better than a personal journal in my opinion. Moving on!

Today was the first official day of 11th grade. It was terrible. This better not be a sign of things to come, because I can't tolerate a year of the insanity I just went through today. They messed up my schedual a little bit, but I knew this going in, and I figured, "how bad can this really be?" But, I was SO WRONG. First of all, I was supposed to be taking Meterology & Astronomy for sciences, but nobody on this face of the planet told me that you need three years of a lab science in order to graduate. So, my dippy guidence counselor put me in Earth Scence MGR; aka, the "repeter" class for 11th & 12th graders who couldn't pass the class the first time around, so it has an even more basic curriculum. Um, WHAT? HULLO, no to the effing way. I felt like I was surrounded by screaming idiots who didn't even know how to measure a cube, and looked at me all befuddled when I said there is no need to measure all the sides of a CUBE, they are equal. GAWD, I need out of this class.

Also, I was supposed to have Mr. Hanely for English. I know that sounds like a minor thing, and I just kind of shrugged it off, but my god, my english teacher is a physco. I told her I was going to be out for a while when I get my back surgery, and she went off like a rocket. *facepalm*. The better things about today was concert choir. I felt completely lost and had zippo idea what I was doing, but it was easily the highlight of my day, not to mention I'm surrounded by friends (which is the only time of day I see ANYONE I know). I'm excited to learn this new challenging music and to improve my range and things like that. I just feel so intimidated, especially because I'm sitting next to Jen. I'm glad we are, because we're really good friends, but... she's awfully compettitve and way more talented than I am in that department. -sigh,- I'll just have to see how it goes.

Web design was pretty good too though. I'm very excited for this class, even though Mr. Hoagland is kind of a dud... haha, he had no idea what to do when noone responded to his questions. Duh, it's the first day... kind of the unwritten rule that nobody speaks. But I was already on a computer, and staring at the most expensive photo/web design equipment I've ever seen. GAH, how i love this elective. Too bad it's half-year.

Needless to say, I very quickly made an appointment with my good ol' guidence buddy. Which is when I found out he was fired! Gah, I've never been so inseemingly happy to hear such a thing. The guy was an idiot. Now that I have a new guidence counselor, I plan on playing the white lie- card. Only if it comes to that. I just want to make sure I get the classes I want, even if it means saying I had plans with my other guidence pal that apparently didn't go through. Plus, I have to make arrangements about my back and all that good stuff. YAY FOR SEVERE SPINAL PROBLEMS! ....not.

Tomorrow is going to drag like a hot day without air conditioning. Possibly because none of my classrooms actually have air conditioning. Or, maybe because I have to sit through all of my messed up classes until 1:38 when I can change them, and then high tail out of the place to go to my grandma's, then ultimately to the city to see WICKED! YAYAAAAY! Not to mention stay overnight and see Spring, ITH & [TOS]. AND HOPEFULLY RENT! GAAAH so excitedededed.

Side note, I legit forgot how awkward first days are. Everyone awkwardly walks in the halls trying to find their class, while trying not to look like they don't know where they're going, even though they don't. Then, nobody says anything in class unless someone else does that same thing, and everyone gives teachers blank stares and mindless nods to all of their questions. Then, you awkwardly hug the random people you haven't seen since the last day of school the previous year, ranging from that girl you were forced to share your gym locker with, to your twice switched out of Italian teacher. Awkward.

HAPPIER THINGS! I got my phone yesterday. My AMAZING Titanium Voyager. I am in love. Legit. It's the most amazing piece of technology I own. But, I must be going now. Off to do my 53 math problems and start on an English journal entry "about me." Then I have to pack for the weekend and get my junk in order. Simple enough. I want to be in bed by 10. That gives me less than two hours.

Gotta fly!

Em.